CSA Week 2

sugar snap peas--soooo good, even raw!
asparagus
oregano--never had fresh before! wow!!! The leaves are a bit fuzzy.
napa cabbage
kohlrabi--purple this time
garlic scapes
green onions--so big and so gross...totally getting dropped off at Em's
green and yellow squash--QE said they were perfectly smooth and flawless
broccoli--never seen such beautifully tight green buds before. Wish we got more of this. Only one tiny head. :(
radishes

We had the sugar snap peas with squash and oregano for dinner last night. With produce like this, I could totally go vegan. The squash were smaller than the 8-inchers at the store, but they were firmer, crisper and just had this different essence about it. The peas were awesome. Crisp and slightly sweet raw. QE didn't like it, but I was quite intrigued by it. I didn't know we could eat it raw and assumed it would be bitter. Man, with such goodies, I'm not sure I can ever go back to veggies at the grocery store. I am afraid I'll get spoiled by these fresh (and expensive) produce. We would never buy so much veggies on our own, so this CSA is a good thing. I was hoping for more turnips. Those rock on the grill. Kohlrabi was good on the grill too, but turnips are so much cuter and tastier. My only complaint would be that we don't get a lot of anything. It's just a sampling. Perfect amounts for two people, but I totally would have traded for more broccoli or sugar snap peas. Those darn onions are a monstrosity. Gyah. I would have preferred yellow onion instead of the nasty green stuff. Just having that in my fridge upsets me. :)

Not sure how to say this...

but I think I love my Goo more than I love George. Sure, Robby is dead weight, but hearing John still makes my heart skip a beat. George will always have a place in my heart, but Goo Goo Dolls rock my world.

Oh, and if I was John, I would decline the Songwriter Hall of Fame's loser award...he's getting some award not for going into the HoF, but Starlight recognition...for up and coming, bright young talent. WHAT A CROCK. He's been in the business for 20+ years. How's that for up and coming. Alicia Keys, John Legend, John Mayer, Rob Thomas have all received this award in past years. Not knocking any of them at all. They are all very good. But John's been writing songs long before most of them. He and Rob Thomas made it big in the mid-90s. I'm fairly certain the others were still relatively obscure. John, take your award, pack it in some cat poo and ship it back to the No Talent Ass Clowns at the SHoF. (hee hee...I've been looking for an opportunity to use that line from Office Space!)

Obsessive Stalking

My Ravelry addiction paid off. I ordered the organic veggie bag and the pint glasses. Probably doesn't mean much to non-Ravelers but I'll share pics when I receive my goodies. :) The loot was sold out within hours in May. They reordered and just got them in. We won't talk about the frequency of my stalking, ok? My favorite feature is on the forums. If you write "cake", a little slice of cake will show up next to the word. Easily amused, I know.

ETA: (I don't know what this means, except Ravelers do this on their posts. I know it has to do with adding stuff after the original post though. hahaha) Anyway, the BEST part about shopping on Ravelry is that you pay by PayPal. No whipping out credit cards necessary! How much easier can it be?! Online shopping is so wonderful. I think QE needs to take up a second job. HA!

Retrospective

QE and I celebrated our 8th wedding anniversary last week. Although it sounds like a long time, we both agree it doesn't seem like it's been that long. I've known QE for a very long time and it's reassuring to have the same mate in my life all these years, who knew me way back when and still love, accept and LIKE me now. In addition to gaining "a few" (ahem, times ten) pounds, I have evolved over the years...probably not all for the best. He still loves and cherishes me like the day we married. My mom says we still behave like we're newlyweds. :)

The other constant person in most of my adult life is Em. I've known Em for what seems like a lifetime. She knew me when I was still a teenager. WTF Em watched me transform from a naive, nice, sweet girl into the mean, cruel, and cynical bitch I am today. And yet she stuck by me through all of the drama and joys. Em came to visit me for lunch on Friday. It was awesome catching up and seeing her. She looks very happy and glows. (oh barf, right???) Em grounds me, calms me. She's one of the few people who knows the real me. Most of my anger and hostility isn't ill-will as much as sarcasm, I think. It's my coping mechanism, bracing for the next screw-over I will experience. Em understands that and lets me unleash the worst in myself and manages to overlook and forgive my flaws. That is true love.

I'm going to vegetarian hell. hahahaha I had sushi Saturday night (and a mildly cranky tummy), grilled Polyface steaks Sunday (no side effects), and made a Tuscan (Polyface) beef soup yesterday (snarky belly). I don't miss meat. Not the flavor, not the texture, nothing. That's not to say I hate it, I just don't care if I ever eat meat again or not. I assume I will probably eat animal flesh again at some point in my life, but I won't make an effort to do so, nor will I go along with it just because I am in a group setting.

There was a BS potluck at work on Friday and one person was asking about every dish. She explained she was vegetarian which got a few people flustered. I told her I was too and was considering going vegan. Holy tofu! I was kidding of course, but several people froze in shock and disbelief. I still can't figure out how my eating choices affects them. I should have brought a lasagna made with soy cheese and not tell them until after everyone ate...that would have freaked them out. HA!

I Love Adam Reid

My knitting queue is building rather quickly. I have become a Ravelry addict and find myself logging on about every 15 minutes. As a result, I see cute projects others have completed and want to knit them myself. Mostly baby stuff. My piglet is growing too quickly--I can't keep up with his size. His mom reports that he wears a 12 mos onesie--he's only 6 months old! He has a very long body so I'm not sure what size to knit for him anymore. I bought yarn yesterday. Rowan cotton for cupcakes (I'm the victim!). I also bought needles for the bee hats I have to make (poor me!).

Yesterday's haul also included an All-Clad MC2 casserole pot that is the perfect size for us at an awesome price (confirmed with numerous checks online). QE thinks I am a total dork for getting excited about cookware. It's made in USA! So pretty! I admit, I must have looked like a nerd clutching the display model close to my chest lest anyone snatch it from my hands. I also scored saucers for ten cents each! LOVE Crate & Barrel outlet! Last week I was near tears while admiring the half-sheet and square baking pans I bought online from Williams-Sonoma. Oh the beauty...the weight of the pans...made in USA by Chicago Metallic exclusively for W-S. I've eyed similar pans at Sur la Table by Chicago Metallic and those were not US-made. Does it really make a difference? Not sure. But at a minimum, it saves on freight and energy unless the pans were made in Alaska or Hawaii. Wah. So beautiful. I need to find a reason to buy the GoldTouch non-stick pans but I usually use parchment paper, so non-stick is unnecessary. America's Test Kitchen rated GoldTouch best non-stick too.

Woot on the Loot

Last night, QE greeted me in the garage cussing up a storm. It was like a little kid trying to fit as many cuss words into a sentence that barely made sense. He finally explained he was cussing for asparagus. :) We got some beautiful, tender asparagus. Even the fat ones were tender. Our CSA loot also included kale with red spines, kohlrabi, a specific variety of turnips, garlic scapes, and a dozen eggs. We now have five and half dozen eggs in the fridge. What the heck am I supposed to do with turnips and kohlrabi?! The turnips aren't big...cute little white balls, just like in those Mario video games. Two the size of tennis balls and a baby turnip.

Cat: (wo)Man-Do

Davis has moved past a mere hunger strike. Mealtime now involves me chasing him and carrying him to his room. And after all that, he still refuses to eat. A fresh can of food at room temperature gets snubbed. A gently warmed plate of food gets snubbed. A plate of food garnished with kibble gets snubbed. He will reluctantly eat a tiny bit if I sit with him while he eats.

Cara is addicted to Da Bird and is oblivious to her surroundings. She has slammed into our coffee table, tumbled head-over-tail, and run into walls just to get Da Bird. She has worked herself into a full dog-style pant with hanging tongue madness. And will continue to chase if I don't force her to take a break! Cara can easily destroy the toy in days--we try not to let her chew the feathers too much in hopes it lasts a week. So far it has. Ok, not really. That's a $5/week habit she's got there. I bought a knockoff with the same brown with white spots feathers, but she's not fooled. Grrr...it would save us $1/toy.

Angel is in full princess mode. She expects several brushing sessions per day. Let's clarify: for every time we're in the bathroom (a.m. getting ready for work and p.m. getting ready for bed) Angel expects several brushings. My bathroom routine is brush Angel, brush teeth, brush Angel, shower, put in contacts, brush Angel. PM: Brush Angel, brush teeth, brush Angel, take off eye makeup, brush Angel, wash face, brush Angel, slap on facial products, brush Angel.

Mulesing

WTF Is nothing cruelty-free anymore?! The one thing I do to ESCAPE from all the evils of the world also contributes to animal suffering. This is supposedly only applicable to Australian wool, but others say NZ and other countries do it as well. Maybe I should boycott Aussie wool just for the fact that it takes a lot of resources to ship yarn from there to here.

Mulesing is the surgical mutilation, without the use of anesthetic, of merino sheep. Skin from the animal's tail area is sliced away with hand shears, leaving a bleeding, gaping wound. The purpose of mulesing is to create a large area of scar tissue devoid of wool. This keeps the rear end of the sheep cleaner and therefore reduces the likelihood of fly strike.

Chicken Guts

Finished the Cinderella socks. It's a smidge small/short in the foot. That's what I get for not doing gauge. :) Tried to look for neat cardigan patterns and ran into two obstacles--I either don't have enough yarn for the project or the pattern is only written in one size, usually 34-inch bust. Um, yeah. I have boobs, jugs, hooters. My rib cage is probably 34 inches without any boobage.

Had a great time at Polyface and made a few friends. It's weird to know that my mental image of a farm rarely exists in the real world. I hope the animals at Polyface know how lucky they are to be living there. Chipotle execs were at the farm too, to talk business about whether Polyface can supply piggies for all VA stores or maybe supply beef and chicken for the C-ville store. We went to that Chipotle--QE said the meat seemed drier since it is leaner and cooked in-store.

I've realized that I loooove getting packages. Probably explains why I've been buying stuff online. It's quite neat...you click a few times, enter your info and voila! Things start showing up at the door!

Marrying Liz

Got our Liz cookies last night. Ginger who? Oreo what? I'm all about Chocolate Moose Dragons. The only thing that sucks is they are on sale now. I paid full price (and worth every penny!) but still...SALE! The cacao nibs add crunch, no bitterness. The cookie tastes like a fudgy brownie with the texture of batter. Liz is expanding distribution and we should be able to find them at Whole Foods and other hippie stores. Not sure if that's a good thing...too accessible to this CMD monster. :) QE said the SnickerDudes are good too. I was too in love with my cookies to fully hear what he said.

C is for Cookie

Today is the day QE and I have been waiting for. Liz Lovely's new cookies!!!!!

Almost done with my second sock. Can't wait to start on cupcakes again. And another pair of socks with Em. :)

With summer and grilling season on the way, I wonder how many tree-huggers will shun grilling since it is bad for the environment. I read that charcoal grilling is worse than gas, but both are still harmful.

Flesh for Fantasy

I ate animal flesh today. I feel sick. Need to barf. Just kidding. :) My tummy was a bit upset, though it could have been because I ate fried food. We went to Eammon's. I had cod and QE had grouper, the fish of the day. Yum. I don't mind being non-vegetarian when the food makes it worthwhile. Eating fish also seems more tolerable to me than land animals. Not sure why. The flagship restaurant, Restaurant Eve, serves Polyface meat. We will check it out eventually.

Went to Knit Happens since we were in the neighborhood. Bought a sock pattern, crochet hook, a cute pair of scissors, and an old issue of Vogue Knitting ($1!). Having finished sorting all my yarn, I couldn't bear to buy anymore yarn. So I bought everything EXCEPT yarn. Ha!

Stashing

Started to take inventory of my yarn. Whoa. There is stuff there I didn't even know I had. But it's really multiples of the same yarn and not a variety, so maybe that doesn't count. Will take pics later.

Un-Raveling

Feeling guilty for neglecting my Ravelry account, I thought I would try to enter some projects and my stash. I'm overwhelmed. I'm fine with the projects since I have photos of almost all of my completed projects. My stash is a different story. I think I will need a good full day to catalog and photograph everything. Ew. Do I really want to fess up to everything I have??? I dunno about that. :) Although, it would be very helpful if I knew what I had when planning projects. Ugh...there's a lot. Probably more than I will ever admit. Maybe I won't disclose my full stash.

Credit Card Baby

I suck. I can't bring myself to splurge on full-priced yarn. Went to the Maryland Sheep and Wool Festival and didn't bring my A-game. I found good prices on needles but my collection is already fairly complete. I could use Addis in different lengths (all but one is 24 inches), but I don't NEED them since I rarely do blankets or other large items. One booth had a loooong line of 40+ people. Ridiculous. I checked out the commotion and the yarns were about $22/hank. Maybe they knew a secret I didn't.

I guess the prices weren't too bad given most of the yarn were 100+ gram hanks. It got pretty crowded in the afternoon. Jostling through waves of people isn't my idea of fun (I'm anti-social like that) and gladly passed on any deals if it meant fighting my way through to the goods.

Monkey

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mHXBL6bzAR4

If You Were There

First CSA pickup in one month. I can't wait. Fruits, veggies, and flowers too!

I found the Boxer Nintendog. He's really cute. Much cuter than I expected. All I need now is the Dalmatian. There were two Yorkies with the Boxer. I felt bad for leaving them behind. Yes, I already have one, but still...

My cat mentor confirmed that our little Cara is indeed one smart girl. Cara is probably acting out because she's bored and not mentally stimulated. The mentor gave lots of suggestions on dealing with Cara, one of them being time-outs. Our little girl will give chase and then walk herself into timeout. It is so cute and funny that QE and I have a hard time trying not to laugh.

Cowboys and Angels

Watched King Corn last night. Really enjoyed it. My food hero Michael Pollan was interviewed too. The documentary was a really good summary of Omnivore's Dilemma. We learned that many Iowa farmers are in the farming business not because they actually profit from farming (they don't). They make money from government subsidies. They showed a Colorado CAFO (feedlot). I have to be honest and say that the CAFO shown didn't have poop-crusted cows. It was run by a little guy and not some big conglomerate. And I assume that any gruesome operation wouldn't have agreed to be filmed, and that the CAFO shown probably cleaned up the place since it wasn't a surprise visit. So I still don't believe CAFO cows are happy cows. What surprised me what that somebody said that a good cut of steak (I forget which part) from a grain-fed cow has 9 grams of saturated fat. The same cut from a pastured cow has 1.5 grams of saturated fat. CAFO cows get fat because their movement is restricted to a pen. King Corn will air again on PBS next week I think. Check it out.

I finally figured out why my Cinderella sock looks weird. I wasn't getting the pattern. Gyah. Will rip most of it out tonight. LOVE the Koigu Kersti yarn.

Everything She Wants

Em wants to kill me. After much talk, we're finally going to knit socks together. Holy crap. I don't think it's possible for her to have chosen a more difficult pattern! Provisional cast-on and all this wyif/wyib nonsense (with yarn in front/back). Cinderella on Knitty. I am totally freaking out.

Young Guns

Hard to tell who's butt is April's pic of the month, but it's Cara's. Her coloring has gotten much darker in the year we've had her. She and Angel look so alike that Davis often freaks out at the sight of Angel. I too have gotten the girls mixed up. What a terrible mom...

Here are my Nintendogs. I found the king charles spaniel (?) and golden retriever yesterday. Now I'm only missing the boxer and dalmatian. I've never seen the latter. No, I didn't buy a bed just for my doggies--it's Angel's new bed that she nixes in favor of her older-but-roomier bed. It would have been hilarious if I did buy a bed for the dogs though. hahahaha

My right arm and shoulder are very sore from playing Wii Sports, but it's worth it. I got a KO in the first round and my first-ever play of boxing. I had so many home runs QE asked if I was in the HR derby. Yay me! If only I was even 25% as coordinated or athletic in real life... :) I bought Zack and Wiki today, and Rayman. I'm conflicted about Rayman because I think it's shooting bunnies.

Wii Are Family

We bought a Wii tonight. QE spotted a Wii in the very back of a display at Target. It was the only one. I have to admit that as many times as we saw it last summer and passed on it, I found tonight's purchase a joyful coup. Sure, the games look fun, but for me it was the thrill of the chase and "winning".

I left work early today since I had well over 40 hours as of yesterday. Bought cat food. Over $31 for a case. Ouch. Still less expensive than feeding ourselves for a week, so I can't complain. A case of food will feed Cara and Davis for 24 days. Penne, the cutie doggie from Pet Sage passed away on March 22. I held my tears as I expressed condolences to her mom, the shop owner. Penne was a big dog (chocolate lab?) who was getting on in years and had lots of physical ailments. We had not seen her in several months, but I was in denial about her illness and didn't want to know if she was still with us. She was a sweetie pie. Penne was very friendly to everyone and was always an excellent hostess. Once, she hobbled around the store looking for QE so he could pet her. He was charmed and smitten.

After getting cat food, I spent the rest of the afternoon applying sprinkles to cupcakes and finishing up my kangaroo. I could definitely get used to working part-time. My spirits were up, my mood good. All of this week's anger and frustration dissipated. I am seriously thinking of quitting next week. Life is too precious and short to put up with crap.

Blue

Cara projectile-vomited on my face last night. I administered her medication last night and she started heaving with that inchworm/wave movement cats do. I wasn't sure what was going on but saw she had drool hanging off her face. Like the good mom I try to be, I grabbed a towel to wipe her face. Cara looked up at me and before I could wipe her face, she puked a vertical fountain, right on my face. So nasty. I have to say it was much grosser than having to wipe Angel's butt or any other motherly thing I've ever experienced. I started to dry heave uncontrollably. Between the thought of what just happened and actually smelling/seeing it, I was gone. Luckily, I didn't have dinner last night. I got home from work just before 8:00 p.m. and decided it was too late to eat. I was heaving so badly that QE didn't make me clean up the mess. I think he was totally grossed out having to clean up vomit while hearing me heave continuously. HAHAHAHAHA

Spinning the Wheel

Saw deer in our yard on Saturday. QE pointed out a big deer lounging in our yard, laying down and just chillin. I took pictures and was beyond thrilled to see our neighbor-visitor. So excited that I didn't even notice the other two laying down butt-to-butt with their backs toward us. :) Deer are such big and fascinating creatures. I need to post pics.

I have cupcakes coming out of my ears. It's been fun, in a boring way. The pattern gets dull, but I still enjoy it because it's a quick-knit so I get instant gratification. I got a suggestion to knit ice cream cones, so maybe I'll come up with a pattern for that.

I met a boy on Friday while waiting for the train. He was traveling alone to his dad's house. Sweet boy (reminded me of the kid on Two and a Half Men) who I thought to be about 12 but said he was a high school freshman. I still doubt that given his adorable face and perky attitude. There was an innocence about him that makes me question his age. Plus, he was very interested in knitting and wanted me to show him(!). We also talked about a game called Smash Bros. or some variation of that. He quizzed me on the characters from his "strategy guide" (aka CHEAT book! hahahaha). He had no idea who Snake was and was very impressed that I knew. One more reason why I don't think he was a freshman...most kids that age would play or at least be aware of Metal Gear Solid I think. Hopefully he doesn't live a sheltered life where his parents shield him from the real world. He was a total darling and I would hate for someone to take advantage of his sweet nature because he's not street-smart. The fact that he initiated conversation with me caught me off guard.

I bought a litter of puppies. Nintendogs. :) Adorable. I'm now missing four--boxer, dalmatian, golden retriever, and king charles spaniel.

John and Elvis are Dead

I just realized (ok, I knew but was trying to block it out) that this week is the start of baby seal clubbing season. I am by no means an expert or informed participant in the topic for obvious reasons. I did learn that Canadian fishermen do it in the off-season as a supplement to their fishing income. It makes sense to kill animals for food and other uses. What I don't understand is why it has to be baby seals, who are vulnerable and can't defend themselves or get away. And even if it is ok to kill a baby seal, why can't they do it with a gun or something that will cause immediate death? I'm assuming it takes multiple whacks to kill. Isn't one of the unwritten human codes of conduct not to prey on the innocent and helpless? We're not supposed to eat our fellow humans and we are not supposed to pick on those weaker than us.

Fantasy

Finally managed to convert the three discs to mp3 and burn it as one disc. It only took five discs, but it's done. So I don't look like a total idiot, I should probably clarify. Used three discs to make exact copies, one mess-up that I thought was burning the mp3s but was really just a copy from my Library, plus the final product.

Since everyone is probably sick of hearing about George, here's some other updates. Cara got upgraded from a harness to a collar. She hates it and keeps scratching her neck. Cara has resumed chasing her siblings. Maybe I should take the Prozac so it won't bother me when that happens. Chicken-flavored Prozac doesn't taste like chicken, btw.

Found some kid- and wash-friendly yarns for cupcakes. Except the yarns aren't all the same weight, which means it will affect gauge and finished size.

I'm thinking about working part-time. Not sure what I will do with my free time (knit!) and haven't thought it through fully. I have no valid reason like child-care to go PT. Wonder if "my cats need more play time and attention" will work. :)

Heal the Pain

Oh.My. George's music is timeless. Careless Whisper, Last Christmas, One More Try...still love them like I did back in the 80s. Other than reminding me that the 80s were twenty years ago, it's all good. Paul McCartney duet on right now. I feel so dirty for thinking a 60-year old is cute. hahahaha Upon further reflection last night, I realized just how awesome Wham! and George were--they were the first band to perform in China, he was the first white person to perform a duet with Aretha Franklin, he had the most awards/#1 hits or some statistical record at the time.

I find George returning to my life a bit weird. Ok, he was never really IN my life, but he had a profound effect on my life. As Frap would probably be all too eager to share, my world revolved around George for most of my adolescent and early-adult years. I did have several George-related license plates. I boycotted Sony when he was in a legal battle with them and continued my ban for years until he forgave them. I think I may have loved George more than all but one of my boyfriends (yes, QE is the only one I've loved more than George). Not that I lusted for George...it was more of a loyal, unconditional love. His dimpled smile still warms my heart. He's happy, so I'm happy.

A Different Corner

Bought the 3-disc set last night. Tried to convert to mp3s and burn to a spare CD since I don't want to ruin my originals or the packaging. Not sure how that works on a Mac. We only have iTunes software. Can't do it using Sonic on a PC either. So I made exact copies of each disc. Hopefully those actually work and will play. I am convinced that not all technology is good. It's only a matter of time before I am left behind. Five years is my guess.

Too Funky

mmmm...George. I got tickets. Sadly, there are still lots of tickets left. Yes, I know it's only the fan club presale right now. Honestly, I think the prices are a bit steep. But, this isn't NSync...George is in the Madonna, Prince, and Elton John class, so I expected the tickets to cost more. Unfortunately, this could weed out my fellow teeny boppers and encourage the stuffy old farts with wads of money up their ass. At his last concert, there were dorks in suits and old bags wearing pearls and cardigans. They should have gone to the Kennedy Center if they wanted to dress up and sit down during a CONCERT. In any case, I'm excited about seeing George. I have floor seats, but I'm starting to wonder if getting seats in the first tier of the venue would give me a better view.

Fast Love

I am still a teeny bopper to the core. Not sure if that's a good or bad thing. :) I joined George's fan club so I can get early access to his concert tickets. I also feel very guilty for "cheating" on John. Oh dear. I had George's music in my head as I slept last night. Every time I think about buying tickets and going to see him, I get an adrenaline rush and my heart races.

Hey Cupcake!

I've finished several cupcakes and two mini cupcakes. I gave away my prototype and my first "official" one--the service guy at the car dealership saw it and thought it was adorable, so I gave it to him. Why a 50+ year old man needs a girly knitted cupcake is none of my business, I suppose. :)

I'm kind of in a knitting rut since I've knit all the full-size cakes in Debbie Bliss cotton angora. I love the yarn and it works really well for the project, but I feel guilty that my sweets are all uniform. Where's the flair? I guess that will have to come later since I need to finish up my six-pack and minis before getting too creative. A certain girl has a pink Disney Princess toy oven. I am SO JEALOUS! It's very cute. And PINK!!!! Anyway, she needs to have girly cakes to go in her awesome oven, so this elf needs to get baking.

Kissing a Fool

HE'S COMING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! My beloved George Michael announced a US tour. I've been a loyal fan since 1984. Kept the faith all these years. In my fairy tale dreams, I'd go to the show in LA--on his birthday!!!! Oh George...

I called QE to share the news and said he's going with me. Silence followed by a muted sigh. Now all I need is Mark Wahlberg to tour (fat chance!) and my torture trifecta will be complete. Too bad Marky Mark has forgotten his roots. I wanted to see sweat coming out of his pores. hahahahaha

HR Nerd Humor

Me: I forgot to tell you that every time I use “flex”, “FSA”, or “flexible spending account”, nobody knows what I’m talking about. It’s “benefits bank” here.

QE: Well if you used the proper terminology of “benefits bank” instead of your benefits slang like FSA maybe someone would understand. Jesh! What are you going to use next, “section 125”?

Mental Ward

The Goo Mental Hospital for Rebel Cats is going well. Our patient has been on Prozac since Friday. A quarter-tablet of human med is tiny and very difficult to administer to a squirmy 12-pound wiggler with sharp pointy teeth. She managed to spit out tonight's dose twice even after I chased it with water. The final product was pretty soft and eventually caused her to foam at the mouth--it's a bitter pill. Cara seems more mellow but is still opportunistic in chasing her siblings. She has less of an appetite but still eats, so no worries there since she needs to lose weight anyway.

The rescue recommended a harness so we can attach a bell to her. Our little Houdini has managed to escape and choke herself on regular collars, so they thought a harness is safer. I bought one today. It doesn't fit. It appears that our little girl isn't so little. I also bought her a wand toy since many of her toys are hand-me-downs. She loves it. I'll buy another one (or two) when I exchange the harness for a dog-sized one.

Overall, I think Cara is doing well. She seems to appreciate the time I spend with her, seeking pets and headbutting me. I must say, I can see how human children, even as adults, can perceive a parent's favored treatment of a sibling. I have been thinking about Cara constantly and miss her when I am away from home. That's not to say I don't love Angel or Davis, or that I love Cara more. It's just that Cara needs me more and my attention right now. A few of us were discussing parents recently and someone said that parents tend to favor the (Cara is purring right now! She NEVER purrs!!!) sorry...parents tend to favor or focus more attention on the troublemaker/failure/black sheep kid of the family because they cause parents more worry, even as adults. Is it true that parents tend to "favor" and focus more on the "bad" sibling? Obviously a blanket statement like that is just not valid, but I wonder if there would be a trend there if all parents answered a survey honestly. Maybe parents don't love one child more than another, but love each one differently. That's how I feel, at least. I assumed I loved Cara "less" since she's had less time to build up a reserve in my heart. Based on recent events, I'd say that my love for her is just as much as her siblings.

Druggies in the Family

Well, I suffered all week for nothing. My doc is apparently out of the state, possibly the country. I was so mad I didn't hear what they said. :) They said they couldn't reach me but they had my cell phone number. They called "several weeks ago" and DID NOT THINK TO TRY AGAIN!!! So now I must go back. Let me just say that I had this appt scheduled over a month ago. I've feared and dreaded this appointment the whole time. The pain, itching, and swelling is worse than my shots. The mental and emotional anguish I've had! Serenity now!!

I took Cara for her annual exam. I asked the vet for advice on how to promote family harmony and told her everything we've done and tried. She gently asked if we considered giving Cara up. Ouch. Yes, QE and I have discussed it, but never seriously. Hearing the suggestion from an impartial person, a medical professional no less, stung. The vet did mention a possible solution: Prozac. She said many of her patients are on it for various reasons. Our doctor didn't recommend or dissuade giving up Cara or Prozac. She only brought up two additional options. It would have been so much easier if she gave her opinion (but I respect her professionalism for not doing so.) Long story short, I went home heartbroken. The thought of losing Cara was unbearable. I cried. Cara came to see if I was ok (is that progress?!) but she guarded the stairs to prevent my HeartHealers from visiting (no progress here!).

Is this what we've become? A society that medicates our problems? From a parenting standpoint, I don't agree with medicating Cara. Regardless of what other people do to their human or furry children, I don't agree with drugging up the troublemakers or using drugs to solve our problems. It just doesn't seem fair to her since it's not medically necessary or live-saving. Will we have a zombie cat? Will Cara lose her zeal for life? I contacted the rescue and Cara's foster mom replied saying she highly recommends we try Prozac. Gyah. I guess it makes me feel better knowing I'm not a bad mom for medicating my baby. Screw my beliefs and values...I have to do what's best for Cara. And I guess Prozac is better than giving her up, right? Right??? I don't know, actually. As a selfish human, of course I want to keep Cara. She's my baby. Do I think staying with us is best for her? Possibly. I know we will give her the best care possible and all the love she can take. It's likely her next home might not be as patient or loving. I don't think other households would put up with her antics the way we have. The vet was shocked we've done it for a year. That's love, right? Love is supposed to be unconditional.

So, tomorrow I will be calling the vet for Prozac. We'll try it on a short term basis and see if she improves. Hopefully just a few months on it will ease tensions and build tolerance.

Screw Hugs, Gimme Drugs!

Two (possibly three) days without my allergy meds. I must stay clean until Thursday, when I get my back stabbed with fifty needles they call allergy testing. I think the government is really embedding nano machines in me or maybe injecting me with some mind-altering serum. :)

I was ok yesterday but it slammed me today. The itchy nose and throat, the sneezing, and overall irritation makes for a cranky me. I need drugs and lots of it. Pretty green bottles are my friends.

Celebrating Cara

Hard to believe it's already been a year since we brought Cara home. As QE puts it, "What??? A year? She hasn't adjusted at all." Ah, such is the story in the Goo house. Our little RaRa is nothing like the sweet, easygoing cutie she was at her foster mom's. We often joke that the white streak down her face is the rebel and bad-ass side that shines brighter than any other aspect of our Cara. We don't think she's happy with us, but we're making progress. Cara sometimes seeks head rubs. She can be affectionate on her own terms. Still no hugs or lap visits. We respect Davis' boundaries and rules but we just can't resist snuggling Cara. She is so cute!! Our rebel has turned our household upside down, but I am glad she's in our lives (I'm pretty sure I am the ONLY one in our family who feels this way!) It's fun to carb-load with Cara. We might even go vegan together. :) Her list of foods now includes Tofurky deli slices, waffles, english muffins, tortillas, bread, Kashi cereal, potato, french toast, and everything that isn't cookies or eggs. Happy one year, little one!

Guilty as Charged

My loot from the first day's shopping. The pile is higher than it seems--maybe I shouldn't admit that. :) Angel and I had a great time sorting through everything that night. I keep forgetting to take pictures of Round Two. My family came over this weekend and got a glimpse of my yarn room. Ooops. I would take pics of it, but it's incriminating even without the second day's loot.

In other yarn news, I am still developing a good cupcake pattern. My first run didn't go as I envisioned but it was still fun. Bought some beads today so I have more color varieties for cupcake sprinkles. Finished two pairs of mary jane-styled booties for piglet this past week too. What the heck am I going to do with all this yarn? Thinking of what to make and then finding the pattern is torture. Why can't there be a knitting fairy telling me what I should knit with each type of yarn? I bet Ravelry has some nifty tools and features but I am just not a techno person. I tried to use the site once. I didn't get it. Too complicated. :)

Bought a new camera a few weeks ago. It was a good deal. I take it everywhere I go. It's neat to chronicle daily things because I can. I still hate moving pics to our computer (is that uploading or downloading???) and then to Flickr. This technology crap is just not my thing. My ELPH has lots of cool features that I read about in the manual. I have no idea how to activate or use them now that the manual is put away. Elf barks after each pic. It amuses the kitties. Speaking of which...QE picked out a DVD for our kids (QE!!!!) I thought I was nuts for being amused and the store was nuts for selling such silliness. But QE actually suggested we buy it. Davis was captivated. My parents watched as Davis sat in front of the television like a little kid. It was adorable. They wouldn't have believed me if they didn't witness it themselves.

Knitter Type

You appear to be a Knitting Guru. You love knitting and do it all the time. While finishing a piece is the plan, you still love the process, and can't imagine a day going by without giving some time to your yarn. Packing for vacation involves leaving ample space for the stash and supplies. It can be hard to tell where the yarn ends and you begin.
http://marniemaclean.com

Red Ring of Death

I first learned this phrase from the cover of QE's XBox magazine. I thought it was a new game coming out. I waited for QE to gush about it, but he never did. Last week, we got a visit from the dreaded Red Ring of Death. QE was crushed. Heartbroken. Traumatized. Restless. It was painful to watch. He was worse than a drug addict in rehab. The box to ship his unit back to Microsoft came last night. I'm not clear if they will fix and return this specific machine to us or if we'll get a refurbished replacement. All told, QE will be without his BFF and soulmate for about a month. He is distraught.

I have to admit, the RRD is kind of pretty. The power symbol is green and the circle is red. Pretty bright lights...

Bags. The Anti-Kid.

Two old bags (calling them hens is offensive and insulting to female chickens--the gals from Chicken Run called and clucked me out) Anyway, two old bags at work were making anti-kid comments and then realized I might be a mother. One apologized for hating kids in front of me. Hilarious.

Picking Over the Plundering

I had to go back. I forgot to get my Insatiable Knitter's Card validated on Friday. Since I was there, I couldn't just ignore what was on sale! They had some nice stuff on sale, but I am SO glad I went on Friday. Most of what was on sale Saturday were leftovers from Friday (i.e. "good" yarn in less than desirable colors) and "eh" yarns. Everything was still very nice, just not my bag. I went around 4:00 p.m., so it's expected they were picked over from Friday and yesterday morning. SIL is not a knitter and even she was caught up in the moment. "This is so fun!" and "What a great deal!" she chirped as we dug through several bins.

QE invaded my privacy under the guise of taking the new load to my knitting room. I am still allowed to buy yarn but only if I can stand in there and tell him I need more yarn. He said I have enough start my own yarn store. Probably true, so I might have to consider that. :) Had I known he would spy on me, I wouldn't have unpacked my treasures from Friday. Hahaha

My Christmas Morning

It's about 6:30 a.m. I've been tossing and turning trying to sleep for at least half an hour. QE fed the kitties this morning but Davis refuses to go into his room unless I escort him. QE's attempts usually includes hissing and running. I got our boy into his room and went back to bed. Or at least tried to. Like a kid waiting for Christmas morning, my thoughts and excitement took over my mind and body, and now I can't sleep.

Between my yarn and the Piggies being here, I am overcome with joy and excitement. My brother and his wife look good. The piglet was sleeping (darn it!) so I couldn't hug him. Okay, so this is why I'm excited--the thought of holding piglet today is thrilling!! I'm happy and content that we don't have kids of our own (how would I maintain my yarn addiction??) but sometimes I wonder if I am missing out on some secret joy. It's weird how I've placed all my hopes and dreams into the little human we call piglet. He's not my child, but I have high expectations for him.

After some thought, I'm sort of glad we don't have human children. For the benefit of the child, I think it's important for a child to have at least one sibling. I might have been ok with one kid, but I can't see us with two. I think siblings are our link to our past and our connection to the future. At some point, our parents will pass away and we're only left with each other. We need someone who knew us 50 years ago as a child and to share memories. "Remember the time when Dad..." or "I still can't believe Mom..." There's something to be said for parents who space their children 2-3 years apart. I think it might be grueling for the parents to have two kids in diapers and two kids in college, but the benefits for the siblings essentially sharing the same childhood are pretty cool.

Now, the other reason why I am so stoked. I GOT YARN!!!! And lots of it! I dumped out all four bags and um, wow. It's way more than I remember buying. I feel guilty. Ok, so my receipt says I saved over $1,000, but it's still money I didn't NEED to spend and could be better used on something more practical. QE is still fine with it even after seeing my loot. Maybe he knows my self-inflicted guilt is punishment enough. :) I can't believe how lucky I am to have such an understanding enabler for a husband. How can he be so generous with our money? He says my happiness is worth it. I am so blessed to have QE.

My loot is at least twice the size of last summer's haul. More Manos than I can count. Lots of yarn (like angora) that I would never have bought. So many Koigu my head is spinning. Two pattern books for $1 each!!!! Some funky Debbie Bliss yarn that looks like boucle. Two BAGS of it! I hate boucle. 20 balls. A bag of alpaca silk in bright pink. Hey! I was in the heat of the moment! I had to grab it before someone else did! :) What is hilarious is that at least one person walked in for needles not knowing about the sale and got swept up into the frenzy. I somehow convinced the woman behind me in line to buy 6-8 hanks of a varigated bright pink cotton. She's a quilter and has no idea what to do with the yarn. I told her if she didn't want it, I'd buy it, so she took it. HAHAHAHAHAHA Peer pressure works.

I spent some time last night sorting my beauties. I told myself at the store that some of what I was buying was for Frap. It turns out that there's not much I'm willing to give up, even for sale. I don't think it's selfishness or greed talking as much as an addict lusting for the high. Maybe what I should do is sell part of my loot (noooooo!) for a profit on auction sites. My shelf most certainly cannot hold all of my yarn. I think I must go fondle now.

YARN!!!!!!!

Don't hate. Big sale. Up to 90% off. 124. 189. I'll let you guess which is the cost and which is the number of skeins. It's not all mine since I bought some with Frap in mind. But I would venture to say I'm keeping 95% of it for myself. I think I will more than double my stash. Skipping work and using leave (I'm in the negative) was worth it. Three girls were crossing the street to the store as I walked to my car. "Oh my God...did you buy all the Koigu????" Three shopping bags and one Whole Foods bag. QE is fully supportive. I married well. Totally lucked out in finding such a nice and loving husband who never controls, restricts or even comments about my spending. If anything, he complains I am too stingy and never treat myself. Every day is Valentine's Day for me. Stay tuned for pics and details.

Wiggly Piggy

The SIL (aka momma pig) reports that our little piglet is a very happy baby and never cries unless he needs something. She also noted that he's very lean because he's constantly moving and the longest baby amongst his piglet friends. I can't wait to see him. Oh Piglet! My plans to steal him are still on. I will pig-nap him and cart him around and show him off like the proud aunt I am.

She had me at hello

On Tuesday, February 26, we will celebrate seven years with Angel. How time flies! I wanted to post something on the actual date, but thought she deserved my full attention. A princess and diva would expect nothing less!

Some of you might already know that we went to the adoption fair to see another cat, Madeline. In the corner, an adorable blue-eyed girl kept crying and crying until someone took her out of her carrier. QE and I looked at several boys and girls, but this one kept crying this pitiful "get me out of here!!!" cry. We paid her some attention to console her and she loved it. QE fell in love with her paws. I sensed another couple looking at her. I quickly told the lady we wanted her. After a few reference checks, I brought Angel home.

In the beginning, we thought of Angel as a "pet". As she became more comfortable and realized she was at her forever home, Angel slowly trained us to meet her expectations. We used to sleep in our bedroom with the door closed. Angel cried endlessly at being left alone and headbutted the door. We finally kept our door open and welcomed her to come and go as she pleased. She marched into our room at dawn and would lay on me as I slept, waiting to be petted. Ok, I woke up on demand to pet her. Fast forward seven years and Princess Angel sleeps where she wants, especially our lap, without regard for our need to go potty, sleep, or anything else.

Angel taught me about selfless love and devotion. I had no idea I was capable of loving someone other than my spouse and family with that unconditional, protective, I'll-do-anything-for-you love. Maybe that's why I think of my kitties as my children. I'm pretty sure I love them the way human parents love their offspring. I first realized that Angel loved me back when QE and I were talking about her first hospital stay. I started crying at the thought my beloved Angel would be in a cage. In addition to being away from me for several days, my princess would be in a metal box! I was inconsolable. Angel walked into our room and started to cry a weird cry that we'd never heard before. She then walked to me, looked up, and started a sad meow. She let me cry on her shoulder until I was okay again, purring the whole time. Now, every time I cry, Angel and Davis come to console me. It's impossible to cry for long when my heart healers come. :)

We've been through so much with Angel. Her urinary/bladder issues have plagued us off and on from day one. We've been through two house moves and two stays with my folks with Angel. She's tolerated two pesky siblings invading her house and stealing her human servants. She's put up with our lack of parenting skills and absolutely cluelessness about how cats are superior. Angel is the perfect cat. QE and I foolishly thought all cats were so easygoing and sweet. She tricked us into adopting Davis, who couldn't be more different. Ok, so not all cats are like Angel--our mistake. She then led us to believe Siamese cats were a paw above those "other kinds". Siamese are vocal, loving, smart, and loyal. We adopted Cara thinking she would be a mini-Angel. Hooo-boy, were we wrong. Through it all, Angel remained a cutie-pie who loved us and forgave us for ruining her peaceful life.

Angel loves watching water go down drains. Once, the bathtub was draining after my bath. She was walking along the tiled ledge of the tub when I playfully nudged her. "Angel, mommy is going to push you in!!!" She kept walking even as I was pushing her! "As if, mom. I know you would never do it." QE was amazed at how much Angel trusted me.

I tell Angel every day that she's my best friend and that I need her, that she can't ever leave me. Angel is my first animal other than fish. I have no idea how to deal with loss and I hope (unrealistically) that I never have to. Just the thought of Angel not being with me brings me to tears. I can't go on vacation without thinking of her, missing her, or calling about her. How did a cat who came so close to death become so treasured? (Her brother/littermate Tigger was put down by their evil human before he could be rescued) Did I save Angel or did she save me? A cat who was supposed to be a "pet" became my daughter, my precious princess, my diva boss, my little best friend.

LOVE Liz!

As I previously mentioned, I was expecting a shipment of goodies from Liz Lovely. First, let me just say I'm not a big peanut butter cookie fan but Liz's are so darn awesome that I smile from the inside. It's hard for me to say if pb is better than the ginger, but I think it might have won my heart. Wah. So good. It's got a great flavor without that funky pb essence. I also ordered the Cowboy cookies (oatmeal, choc chip and walnut). It's good too, but it reminds me of cookie dough. I'm not big on cookie dough and never fight for the mixing bowl--that's all QE. How good are Liz cookies? So good that QE and I ignored the other temptations in our pantry all weekend. The Oreos (me), the Joe-Joes (QE), and everything else. We also got the dark chocolate covered pretzels (WAHHH!) and dark chocolate almonds (double WAAAAH!). The pretzels were intended for QE since he's a pretzel freak, but I found myself fighting the urge to hide them from him. And don't get me started on the almonds. So good. The chocolate isn't overly sweet. Just pure yum. Sigh...how can one place make so many goodies and have them all be organic/fair trade/vegan? That's just not fair. I am going to gain weight if I keep this up! Here's the best part--the dark choc covered stuff are on sale (if there's any left!). What's even more awesome is that they shipped the SAME DAY I ordered! That beats Estee Lauder, who ships the next business day. This is all Andy the Liz Marketing guy's fault--he sent me two free ginger cookies and got me to fall in love. Before, I knew about Liz but talked myself out of ordering by thinking it's vegan so it can't be as good as conventional homemade.

I also love that I can buy these goodies and know I am supporting a small business who truly believes in changing the world. It is very inspiring. The "plastic" tubs the choc stuff comes in is made from corn and can be composted. The flier insert about the company is from 100% recycled post-consumer waste paper produced by wind power. We CAN change the world. I think I'll do it one cookie at a time. :) And yes, I can't stop thinking about those poor cookies waiting for me. They are so lonely! I need to rescue them! In case you're wondering, the pretzels and almonds never made it to the pantry...they stay on our coffee table. :)

Conflicted Hippie

I've turned my back on the Humane Society. Their emails asking me to voice my opinions on baby seal clubbing, cockfighting, and cow slaughtering are too upsetting. Yes, I am a wimp. The pictures are not graphic but I still get very sad and upset. The last straw was a header on an email about boycotting Canadian seafood because the fisherman spend the off-season hunting and usually clubbing baby seals for fur. I didn't need to see a seal on the snow looking up at the human with a pole held over his head about to strike the seal. So, I've opted out of emails from the Humane Society. While I'm grateful and glad for all the work they do, I can only support them on my terms--these emails are unbearable for me. I know I can't pretend to be an ostrich and stick my head in the sand. But that's how I'm dealing right now...it's all I can handle.

I am expecting a shipment from Liz Lovely today. Who knew vegan cookies could taste so good?! It's actually amazing how yummy the ginger ones were. I wouldn't have known they were vegan in a blind taste test. The best part is that all the ingredients are "normal" stuff that can be found in a home baker's pantry. Okay, maybe not the palm fruit oil, but I've never tried looking for it at Whole Foods, so that could be a normal ingredient too.

After being ignored for several weeks (probably more like a month+), I am assembling my knitted cat. I've also finished my wrap using Fisherman. Still working on the kangaroo. I am dreading all the sewing.

Angel & Me

Angel decided to snuggle with me last night. I fell asleep with her under the covers, nestled into my side with my left arm around her. I woke up to her sleeping next to me. I am always amused when she sleeps like humans, with her head on my pillow and her body on the bed under the covers. I tend to have deeper, better sleep when Angel is next to me. Unfortunately I also tend to wake up more achy since I don't toss and turn as much. What's a few backaches when you're loved by a cat. :)

Trip Down Memory Lane with Jen

I think her name is Jen or Jennifer. I think I've had her since I was about 5. She's the perfect friend for a little girl since she's practically as big as you! Jen wears a 2T and is about 2.5 feet tall. Over the years, I've dressed her in my hand-me-downs. The dress she is wearing used to belong to me. I think it may have been a gift from my grandmother. QE thinks Jen is spooky because she's so big.

Dad is cleaning and renovating the house and asked if I wanted anything from my old room. I had cleaned up most of my belongings except for my dolls and a few keepsake memories. Jen, three Cabbage Patch Kids, and two other dolls came home with me. These friends were my primary dolls growing up I think. I had stuffed animals and a Barbie, but these were my only dolls.


Going through my boxes, it was funny to see what was important to me decades ago. I kept a report card from 6th grade where my final grades were straight As. I kept most of my birthday cards, many of which had cats on them! I didn't even favor cats back then. Maybe these subtle cues nurtured my affinity for cats now. I also found various sizes of knitted rectangles (blankets for my dolls). All the early signs were there of who I would become. :)

Finally, I kept a bag (!) of giveaway buttons from a concert by a local radio station. I handed the bag to QE and watched for his reaction. Once he realized what he was holding, I got the mandatory eye-roll and groan. He might have even said something like "Ugh, my wife was a teenybopper." He, of course, already knew that, having been to two Goo Goo Dolls concerts with me. (It's weird screaming for a guy on stage with your husband next to you...) But the bag of buttons confirmed the extent of my crazy fan behavior. He already knew that I had ditched last period once to go meet this hottie, got his autograph, and took tons of pictures. I had 4th row seats for Marky Mark. Talk about good vibrations!

Just a Phase?

Went to Whole Foods today. Maybe we are deprived, but we have fun at Whole Foods. We enjoy the experience. I think it's because we go to the newer, bigger (and farther away) store that has lots of pretty service counters and a big eating area. Whole Foods shoppers are clearly divided into two types: the snooty "how DARE lowlifes like you shop here at MY store" and the hippie "I am me, take it or leave it". What's weird is that the Springfield shoppers tend to fall in the former category. The Old Town store is evenly split, with the former kind mostly women who screech through the aisles plowing over anyone in their way. Hope you don't drive the way you shop, bitch. We didn't buy much but our receipt leads us to believe we bought enough groceries to feed a family of 8 for a week. Oh, TJs and Harris Teeter tote bags are also made in China. I don't understand it. Are we shipping recycled materials there to manufacture the bags too? WF now has a new (cool spring looking) bags made from recycled plastic water bottles. I couldn't find a tag in it. But if it is also made in China, are we shipping water bottles there? The Chinese can't possibly produce enough bottles, right?

QE and I have a date on May 16. Polyface farm tour! I am so excited to see piggies, chickens, and cows again.

We bought some eggs at Whole Foods. I went to the Animal Welfare Institute site to see if it was their label on our carton and found this. My skepticism about "cage-free" eggs was right! I also found the comparison grid of various terms and labels. What's interesting is that the Humane Farm Animal Care group have their own comparisons. This is the label on our eggs. I can't determine if one seal is better than the other.

My vegetarianism was questioned again this week. It was strictly out of curiosity, but I always feel like I am some weirdo who is way too compassionate towards animals. I know animals serve their purpose as our food. I just feel guilty about the way my species treats others prior to their arrival on our dinner plates. We gave some frozen chicken breasts to dad today but kept our Polyface meat. So clearly, I do intend to eat clean meat. Two big steaks are waiting to be grilled. QE doesn't think I will be capable of eating meat. Maybe he's right. I am a little scared, actually. :) Dad is convinced that I'm just in another one of my phases.

The past two Fridays, I've had panic attacks during the day. CRAP! It's Friday! Did I eat any meat today?! Dang it! Argh! Gyah! Darn it!! CRAP!! Quick, what have I eaten today?? Any meat? It's Friday!!! Oh, wait. I'm vegetarian. Whew. Sigh of relief. No joke. This is what I've freaked about two weeks in a row.

The Anti-Girl

Today is a Hallmark holiday. It's mostly guys who woo their women with flowers, sappy cards and a meal. I've never been a fan of this holiday because I think we should treat our loved ones nice every day of the year. If that happened, we wouldn't need a specific day to honor our pookie pie or snookums. Maybe I'm just lucky that my QE is a sappy love-fool every day.

About two weeks ago, QE asked if I wanted some cherries as dessert. (I hate fruit) I jokingly said I would eat some only if he removed the stems and pitted them. I went to go online and about 10 minutes later, he presented me with a bowl of halved cherries and his cherry-stained fingers. So cute and sweet.

The running joke is that when I lived at home, my dad would coax me to eat fruit by peeling and cutting it into bite-sized pieces. QE rolled his eyes and groaned the first time I told him. I've since ribbed QE with "My DAD used to do this for me..." And the two times we've temporarily lived with him, he would still cut up a pear or apple for me while I gloated and QE groaned. I guess now it's time for dad to step up his game. QE wins with the cherries. :)

Where's my limo?

I used to be nice and considerate while commuting to and from work. It got me pushed and shoved as others scrambled their way on the subway. While I am not rude, I've learned to hold my position while getting jostled and smacked around. Today, a nasty boy (18-22) leaned against me to keep his fat ass up while not taking his backpack off. To make matters worse, he looked like he had not washed his hair in a week. Gross.

I drive, walk and take a train to work. As a driver, I am careful not to tailgate or cut anyone off. As a pedestrian, I don't jaywalk or cross streets when I know I can't make it across in time. Without fail, many people will do exactly that. While I wouldn't wish misfortune on anyone, I must say that those who fail to obey traffic signals and jaywalk are asking to get run over. Maybe not DESERVE it, but they can't be surprised if they get run over if they knowingly crossed a street when they shouldn't have. Not surprisingly, I've seen several close calls when drivers don't expect to see humans running out between parked cars. It's always dumb, but especially stupid given the shorter daylight hours during the winter. Go on, cross the street illegally. I'll make sure to serve as the driver's witness.

One more thing...I am still amazed at how I (a hefty girl myself) manages to get the most obese person sitting next to me on the train. What's interesting is that two big women can manage to sit comfortably, but put a slight-build man next to me and I'm squished. Why do men need to spread their legs as if they are airing out their crotches? How do 120-lb scrawny guys manage to grow such broad shoulders the moment they sit down?

CSA! CSA!

We joined a CSA for the coming summer. I am excited beyond words. It's probably not normal to be so giddy about fresh produce, but I am. Fruits and veggies freshly picked from local farms on a weekly basis! I often balk at the prices at grocery stores because the offerings don't even look appealing. $2.99/lb for limp lettuce...really? Not sure what we'll be getting in our shares, but fresh trumps price, I think. Plus, it's local, so there's less fuel involved in us getting food. Planned goodies include heirloom and regular tomatoes, corn, blueberries, potatoes, eggplant, garlic, various herbs, lettuces, and a ton of other delicious beauties. Ever since I grew tomatoes at our old house, I've shunned store and restaurant tomatoes. The aroma and texture of a real vine-ripened tomato is nothing like the sad little red orbs we usually see. My love for life begins May 21.

Went to Harris Teeters. Canned "organic" beans from China and Turkey. Somehow I am skeptical that either country is producing organic anything. $.99 for a can of "organic" beans compared to $.50 for a can of conventional. In this case, I opted for the latter because I didn't believe the organic label.

I finished my mittens and am almost finished with my shawl. I will start the kangaroo and joey from Frap's toy book tomorrow.

We brought our own shopping bags to Target. One of them is the green Whole Foods bag made from recycled something or another. What I found interesting is that the bag was made in China. Why would a $.99 bag need to be made in China for a company that is all about recycling, conservation, environment, etc.? It just seems counterintuitive to me. I think most of us bag buyers would be willing to pay $5 for a bag all in the name of tree hugging. Heck there are bags that cost $15 and even $100 out there. So, why would a pro-environment store sell bags made halfway around the world? The transportation costs to ship the bags here must cost more than a dollar. I should probably look at my TJ bags and see where they were made. BTW, Trader Joe's is owned by Aldi, a German company that has a small presence in the US. They sell unlabeled or generic grocery items. So is TJs really owned by the German equivalent of Wal-Mart?

My guess is that many companies outsource their goods because they don't want to pay higher wages and have to deal with unions. Yes, labor costs are significantly higher in the US and consumers are only willing to pay so much for any given good. Timbuk2, All-Clad, Kitchen-Aid all succumbed to pressure. I am willing to pay $80 for a tote bag made in the US, not made in Vietnam. $300+ retail (I only paid about $150 thanks to a sale, rebate, and coupon combined) for a Professional 600 series stand mixer (oh what a beauty...) made in Korea. The parts are made in the US then shipped to Korea for assembly. Many of All-Clad's cookware are still made in the US (mine is), but the stuff available on Amazon are not--those are made in China. $20 for measuring cups, $100+ for a pot/pan, $300 for a roasting pan. Very reasonable prices given how heavy and sturdy All-Clad stuff is, IF it was made in the US.

What brought on my frustration? A Rosle whisk that cost me $18. Rosle is a German brand that I consider luxury or high-end. Heck, $18 for a whisk is a splurge for me! I used this beauty to make brownies for Frap and her posse. Melt butter and cocoa in a pan, add flour and other stuff. My whisk wires bent. Luckily, Sur La Table took it back. They too were surprised about the whisk's lackluster performance. I'd expect it from a crappy $5 tool from Wal-Mart (not that I ever shop there--last time was probably about 18 months ago), not something that cost me $18. That's two Chipotle bowls with two sodas AND chips and guac! Yes, all prices are indexed to Chipotle bowls. :)

Saving Cara

Today marks the one-year anniversary of Cara being turned into a TN shelter by her former humans. Today also marks the day when Siamese Rescue saved Cara from the shelter and took her into their program.

Our little one's name was Kitty Kitty until Siamese Rescue changed it to Cara ("dear" in Italian). What's interesting is that she didn't respond to Kitty Kitty, her name for about a year. Makes me wonder how much human interaction she had and whether they even loved her. How does a cat not know his/her name? We had the same issue with Davis (name chosen by QE). He learned his new name within a week of joining our family. In fact, he responded to Davis AND Buddy. But he never even flinched when we tried his previous name.

3.838

Got my official transcript from college last night. My GPA was nowhere close to what I thought it was. I am disappointed in myself. QE says I'm a nerd (so MEAN!) and nobody cares about my GPA except me. I knew I graduated summa cum laude and it only required a 3.8 overall. I thought I was in excess of 3.9 for some reason. Looking at my transcript, I had a 4.0 the spring semester of my junior year (I knew that) and a 3.88 fall of my senior year (I thought I got a 4.0). Is it a coincidence that I met QE that semester? Hm...I think he is to blame for my downfall. He distracted me! He corrupted me! :) I guess mathematically it wasn't logical for me to have a 3.9+ GPA since I did have a sprinkling of B/B+ in my freshman and sophomore years. I never thought of my alma mater as a "real" school for various reasons, so to counter that, I felt I needed a good GPA to offset some of the negative connotations. Again, QE said that our school is only "bad" in my eyes. Nobody else cares. Maybe he's right. But as someone who caused my delinquency, he can't be right. :)

Whatevs

You can judge a man's true character by the way he treats his fellow animals.

~ Paul McCartney

It's been an emotional week. Much excitement, lots of work, and all sort of daily grind crap that are all blessings in their own way. Cara has resumed tormenting her siblings. I guess one week of good behavior is all her little body is capable of. Maybe I should trick her into believing in Santa Claws as a means of getting her to behave. (bad mom! manipulation is wrong!) The dementors suck the life out of me, even if we don't talk or interact. It doesn't bother me as much anymore. I get what I need out of this twisted relationship.

Our home value has dropped a lot. A LOT. Brings-tears-to-our-eyes A LOT. But, we are fortunate that we can easily make our mortgage payments. We are blessed that we have such a nice house to begin with. So, I guess it shouldn't bother us what the value is. Except that it does for various reasons.

Next knitting project is a wrap from Knitty using Lorna's Laces Fisherman. Finished dad's second scarf. "The first was thicker [it's a 2x2 rib] but not wide enough. This one is not as thick. Don't knit me anymore scarves." Damn right I'm not. All I get is complaints. One of my first how-to knit books was right--never knit a gift for someone who is not a knitter; they will not appreciate the time or effort.

On happy notes...2008 Honda Accord coupe. Put one in my driveway. No questions asked. :) QE is starting to think that a $60+ swift is worth the price for him not having to hold my hanks of yarn while I wind them up. Went to PetSage to get Davis and Cara some food and got into a wonderfully intellectual discussion with the owner about cat nutrition. She's got some sort of medical/nutrition/holistic background and only sells food without by-products and other scary things like animal digest (in many cat treats). Our will is almost complete. I'm happy that we'll be supporting several much-deserved charities. Have I mentioned that Frap gave me the most beautiful scarf for Christmas??? Oh.Wow. Rowan Big Wool in a pretty bright pink. Seed stitch (k,p). Love the look, hate the deed. So beautiful. With my brown coat, it looks like raspberries and chocolate. Yum. So pretty. And fringe! There's a cute fringe on the ends too. :) Finally, Mr and Mrs. Frap (with Latte, I assume) will be coming over next weekend. I'm baking a chocolate-espresso pecan pie and double ginger cookies. And maybe chocolate chip cookies. I think I said I would make brownies too. And homemade gluhwein! It will go great with the ginger cookies. Made gluhwein for QE last week and he said it tasted just like the ones we had at Marienplatz. :)

Naturally Raised Tail Docking

I am by no means an activist. I may contribute money to charities I feel strongly about, but it's rare. The only sure donation is to church. That said, there is something that has me really pissed. The government is trying to define meats that can be labeled "naturally raised". They want to leave it as meaning no hormones, no antibiotics, no mammal or avian by-products. That's a huge step. Really, it is. But as a consumer, I find the term misleading if that's all "naturally raised" means. I would assume and expect it to mean I am eating happy animals, grown in their natural environment--no cages, no feedlots, no piggies without tails, no turkeys or chickens without beaks. Cows would get to eat grass. Imagine that!!! A cow gets to eat its natural diet of grass and not corn or soy!

If you agree with me that "naturally raised" should mean more than no hormones, no by-products and no antibiotics, PLEASE take one minute of your time to share your thoughts. If the link doesn't work, go to http://www.regulations.gov/ and then do a comment search for "naturally raised". Although the name fields are mandatory and public, you can give just your initials. Thanks bunches. :) Comments are due by January 28.

http://www.regulations.gov/fdmspublic/component/main?main=DocumentDetail&o=0900006480369411

Hope for Love and Peace

QE just called with the most wonderful news. Prior to leaving the house this morning, he thought it was too quiet and peaceful. He went looking for Cara to make sure she wasn't trapped in a closet or something. He found her in the amigos' room, sleeping on the cat tree/perch. Angel was sleeping in her new bed and Davis was in his little cave-tent. Not a peep. All three were sleeping peacefully.

What the heck is going on??? The weekend was peaceful too. Davis grumbled once in a case of mistaken identity, but that's it. Poor boy sometimes gets his sisters mixed up. :)

Swirlies

It's been a while since I've written. So much anger, rage, joy and happiness inside, all swirling together.

A tiger at San Francisco's zoo was killed after escaping her enclosure and attacking several humans. Reports said she was probably provoked since there were various materials and branches in the enclosure that were "not consistent or within" her habitat. Here's what I want to know: tigers are endangered animals...isn't killing one (in a zoo no less) defeating the purpose of saving tigers and all the research/breeding programs? Wonder what Jules aka Shtinky Puddin has to say about that.

My knitting is coming along again. I took a break to read a few books and now I'm back to my true love. QE offered to take me yarn shopping this weekend. It's kind of interesting how my desire to buy yarn has waned ever since I got my shelf...maybe his strategy of making me see all my loot to reduce stashing worked, contrary to his shopping offers. Hmmmm...

Got an awesome book of knitting patterns for toys from Frap! I can't wait to knit all of the goodies.

My allergy shots are killing me. The good news is that I am down to once every three weeks. The bad news is that I suffer for much of the time between shots. I have big triceps that rival any bodybuilder for almost a week. Zyrtec becomes OTC on January 24.

Angel is healing very nicely. Cara is mean beyond belief. She literally spends all day stalking or guarding her siblings. She will wake from a nap to charge them if they dare walk downstairs to hang out with us.

Tufts and Stones

For a "quiet and uneventful" holiday season, it sure felt quite the contrary. QE and I worked as usual, with the Tuesdays off. (so all y'all poopie pants best quit yer bellyachin!) Angel's saga continued, with me cleaning the carpet at least five times a day. It was heartbreaking to see our baby suffering through the holidays. Her surgery was yesterday and is back home now. Two stones that looked like clusters of smaller stones were attached to her bladder wall. Hopefully she feels better. The doctors said that there was no blood in her urine during the fluid pump sessions, so that's great news. She shouldn't be in any pain. Grandpa Goo called yesterday for a status on her surgery and volunteered to play nurse and medical transport if necessary. "They won't release Angel unless the bill is paid, Dad." "That's fine. You can come pay the bill and then I will take her to my place until you get off work, or I can drive her to your house." What a great grandpa!

On NYE, I came home from work to find clumps of white and brown fur in the amigos' room, and Cara with blood-stained fur on her neck. She seemed fine and oblivious to my panicked cries about her neck. On New Years Day, we had a rare day where no hisses or growls were heard. Maybe the kids wanted to start 2008 peacefully. I did notice that Cara had a weird looking ear though. Upon further examination, it appears that the brown clumps I found the day before previously belonged to her ear area. Her ear also had lots of dried and oozy blood. Cleaning that was no fun, let me just tell you. It looks like the blood was not from bites (whew!) but from getting fur pulled out. It's still gross, but at least it's not a puncture wound. What we don't understand is, why despite getting the beat down from her brother, Cara feels the need to bully Davis and pick fights with him.

As I am sitting here, our little one is curled up in her bed sleeping. Cara looks so cute. I feel bad for her at times. She sits outside the amigos' room and looks sad and jealous when they are eating or when I am with them. She gets jealous when they snuggle on me even though she has intimacy issues and would never lay on me or let me hold her. All she wants is a human to call her own and instead got stuck with parents who love her dearly but also spreads the love to two other cats. It's not fair to her. Cara is constantly bored because we don't play with her as much as we should. She deserves better and more than we can give her. That said, I would never willingly give her up. We made a commitment to take care of her and share our lives with her. Til death do us part, we promised. If I thought she could have a better life with another family, I would happily give her that opportunity. Somehow I don't think "Cara isn't happy" is a legitimate excuse the Meezer Rescue would accept for returning her.

Motherhood

I am not legally a mother. I am not recognized as a mother on bs Hallmark holidays like Mother's Day. I am fine with that. Really. Being a cat mom is all I can handle, I think. Having met my precious piglet and seeing all that he needs, I am glad not to be mom to a human. Piglet is amazing. Watching him develop and evolve in the few days we were with him was remarkable. Piglet's ability to track time and demand feedings exactly every four hours is amusing and quite awesome. We could tell time without even looking at a clock! Despite his sweet smell and darling little clothes, his poopy diapers and smelly farts were enough to knock me over. Add his late night/early morning meals into the mix, and parenthood isn't for me. That's not to say I wouldn't walk to the ends of the earth for piglet (not even my kid!), but I would not willingly choose to devote the rest of my life to raising, caring and worrying about my child. Or dealing with a 30-year old child still living with me. Or providing daycare to a grandkid.

As caregiver to Angel, Davis and Cara, I think I've been a good mom to them. I would venture to say that I'm probably a better mom to my cats than some people are to their human children (how sad!). Feeding, providing shelter, and seeking medical care for my kitties are my duty. It's what I am supposed to do--it's what they are entitled to, as my dependents. I chose to assume responsibility for their well-being and their lives. Where I think my kids are lucky is how I am their advocate, their activist, their researcher, their personal fighter.

Angel is still sick. The thought that she's been suffering for two weeks is very upsetting to me. The good news is that her urine no longer looks like pure blood. The bad news is that she is still straining to pee and still has some pink in her urine. She has been on antibiotics for a few days now and while her condition has improved, she's still uncomfortable. That is not good enough. I researched her medications and prescription food earlier this week. (Part of me wants to believe that all parents of furry or human children would do this.) Her food is not for prolonged use. Angel's previous medication could affect kidney function with continued use. Her current medication can impair vision and damage her eyes with improper or prolonged use. Although our veterinary practice is superb, I don't think they are obligated to disclose all potential side effects or adverse reactions. This of course puts the burden on us parents to do the research and learn as much as we can, so we can ask the doctors the right questions.

I would like to think that all parents would do the same for their children, human or otherwise. Heck, if I do that for my kitties, parents BETTER do that for their human kids! Maybe I am one of "those" parents...the overbearing people who constantly call the doctor's office with questions or seeking advice, the ones who ask difficult questions or questions the treatment options. My thing is, if I don't demand the best care for my kids, who will? If I don't aggressively learn and research all I can about my kitties' conditions, who will tell me? It's unreasonable to expect a doctor to educate me on all the possible conditions or treatments. My job as their mom is to form a partnership with the doctors and fight their illnesses as a team. Unfortunately, with Angel, the doctors are puzzled by her condition. She's had the stones for years with no ill effects. Why now? You can bet the first call the practice receives after Christmas will be from me. Hopefully it will be a call to provide an update on Angel's significant improvement.

Family Reunion

It feels so good to be reunited with the kitties!!! The house was so empty and lonely without the kids. I entered the library this morning without anyone hauling tail to slip in before I closed the door. Nobody woke us up requesting breakfast (I still woke up at 4:00 though). The kitties seemed a bit indifferent to our arrival at the resort. Maybe it was all the commotion. The resort reported that the kids got along with the other cats. No hissing or other issues. HEY! NOT FAIR! Davis still hates Cara but she seems to back off a bit now. It's probably jealousy, so we'll try to make Cara feel loved even if she doesn't like to be held. The kitties smell weird. They don't have their personal scents. I never realized how comforting I found their essence until now. Everyone seems to be settling in. Davis is more skittish than his sisters. Hopefully things will be back to normal tomorrow.

Our boy looks really thin. The resort said that all three snubbed the canned food served. Davis has special needs and usually eats his kibble off the rug in his room. I suspect he didn't eat much at the resort since dry food was served in a metal bowl. He is so skinny that I am worried about him. Hopefully I can bulk him up in the next month or so. It won't be the end of the world if he only eats kibble, I suppose.

Santa Claws came early this year. Cara's room is also our computer room/office, so she doesn't have a perch to look out the window. Apparently Miss Honeybutt decided windowsills are below her royal status. I asked QE for a small tree for Cara as my Christmas gift this year. He groaned since we got Angel and Davis a big tree last year. PetSage had an open house the weekend before we left and held a raffle. We won the most perfect cat tree!!! It has two U-shaped perches that are perfect for sunny naps or looking out the window. We could not have asked for a better cat tree for Cara! In typical big-sister fashion, Angel inspected the tree and decided it will be her new venue for afternoon naps.

The pet resort took wonderful care of our precious babies. I am so grateful that such a business exists to serve high-maintenance pills like me. :) I am not sure I ever want to be away from my kids for that long again though. The best news is that they only charged us for seven days and not eight. That saved us over $120. Yay!

Cock-a-doodle goo

We are home. So much to share...highlights: Dulles sucks in comparison to Munich's airport. American mentality isn't alway inferior to European thinking, but we really are a bunch of me-first resource-gorging wasteful beasts. My piglet smells so good (except for the one time we smelled his poopy diaper--that made me heave.) I already miss piglet's sounds--the cooing, the drinking milk, his cries, everything. We pick up our kids today! Grandpa visited my kids at the pet resort on Sunday. Angel and Davis both sought love and attention from him and my dad was smitten. Cara bit one of the resort workers. We had gluwein every day we were in Munich. The Christmas market at Marienplatz freakin rocks. I bought yarn from three stores. Not "a lot", but enough that I spent "a lot", especially with the crappy exchange rates. The department and grocery stores are so clean, orderly, and tidy. It makes you want to shop. Maybe Macy's should take some notes and improve their dumpy rat nests for stores.

There were several things that make me appreciate being an American. Like having a clothes dryer and dishwasher. Having waitstaff at restaurants work for tips (German norm is 1 Euro regardless of bill amount). People aren't as friendly or courteous in Germany. Smoking is allowed in eateries, cafes and restaurants.

Holding a US passport afforded much less scrutiny than all those from ghetto countries. German customs and security was much more thorough than the US. Does our TSA and Customs even have a pulse? CBP had numerous signs saying they were the face of the US and pledge to sincerely welcome all to our country. Yeah. I said hello to our customs guy and he didn't even look up. Our entire transaction did not yield a single word or sound from him. Welcome to America, land of the apathetic, lazy, and indifferent.

I can't wait to see my kids today. Today is family bonding day. We will stay home all day and just be together. Purrrrrrr

Sick Princess

We found bloody pee all over the house. Angel is sick again. Her bladder crystals and stones must be bothering her. I don't know what's causing this irritation since her stones have been there for years without any problems. We managed to get some meds for her until we have a chance to take her to the vet. Poor little girl. She's great at taking her meds, so we are lucky.

Angel is just as loving with us, so her spirit isn't down yet. That's a good sign. Although, I have missed my headwarmer the past few nights. We've been through so much with her. There was one December years ago where we spent $1000 on her medical bills just for that month. I guess having animal companions can get expensive. The true test of our love and bond with our furry friends is when we are faced with the decision to fork over wads of cash or wash our hands clean of said animal. Her previous owners chose the latter and sentenced her to death before she was rescued. Their loss is our gain. Angel is the best cat ever. She's the only cat I know who will allow humans to dress her in clothes, put her in a half-nelson (hilarious), furburt her belly, and do all the crazy things we do.

Elf Sighting

I AM an elf! Papa elf sent me! The best way to spread Christmas cheer is to sing loud and clear for all to hear. I didn't know you were naked. He's an angry elf! Oh, it's not a costume, I'm an elf. What's a Christmasgram? I want one! Son of a nutcracker!

I finished SIL's stocking. :) I started my brother's this morning. His is a wool/soy blend in a varigated denim blue. I've been dying to use this yarn for over a year but was hesitant in case it was too itchy for garments. It's not itchy at all and quite soft once knitted up.

I saw a racoon the other night. He was cute. He had a big round face with short triangle ears. Maybe the size of a big fat cat. I had never seen a live racoon before, only roadkill. :( The racoon was drinking water from the train cats' food and water area. I wonder if he can transmit diseases to the kitties. He was very cute with his black eye mask. I wanted to hug him.

Secret Project Revealed

And today's secret ingredient is....


CAKES!

This is what I've been bursting to share. My favorite is the white with pink frosting. And it will go to Bri. I think she needs a bit of calorie-free sweet treats right now. :)

The original pattern comes from a UK website promoting Shaun the Sheep's picKnits. The one with yellow icing uses Shaun's base and my own cake. It didn't turn out as I expected. I will have to tweak the "recipe" a bit to get what I want. I had great fun creating these three cakes and look forward to more "baking" once I get papa pig's stocking order fulfilled. Angel helped decorate the cakes by pinning my legs down and ensuring I didn't go anywhere before completing the treats.

Meeting Justice Thomas

I met Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas yesterday. He was signing his book, My Grandfather's Son. Justice Thomas was warm, friendly, sincere, and just awesome. I was literally in awe of him. It's not every day a peasant girl like me gets to meet such an important person.

Justice Thomas was so nice and full of big smiles. A real departure from the serious-faced photos we see. (There are pictures of him with me on my Flickr site for friends and family.) I was deeply moved by just how sincere he was about meeting all of us, shaking our hands, and signing our books. As my turn came, he asked how I was doing. I froze. I was speechless and couldn't say a word. He looked up to get a response. WAH!!!! After I came to my senses, I managed to tell him how much I admired him and asked if I could have a picture with him.

Let me just say that he held me tighter than anyone except QE when posing for photos. Amazing. That alone won me over. He was so genuine in his friendliness. Most notable figures and celebrities give this fake niceties "meeting and greeting sucks" feeling. I don't know if I could have sustained Justice Thomas' cheery demeanor for two hours standing on my feet. Regardless of his political views and whether I agree or disagree with them, Justice Thomas is a good human being.

And his wife, Virginia? She is tall and gorgeous. Just beautiful. I spoke to her too. She wasn't pretty in that pretentious plastic surgery way. Naturally beautiful with amazing bright blue eyes. And so freakin tall. Here is this woman who is/was a GS15 or SES and wife of a Supreme Court Justice. You'd think she was rich diva. Nope. Her purse was a commoner's Nine West bag. WTF How grounded is that?????

Like many Americans, I don't know much about the judges of the Supreme Court. After reading his book, my respect for Justice Thomas grew tremendously. We share many of the same values and ethics. It's nice to know that good, hard-working people can succeed. Maybe there's hope for me yet.

Bye Earl

(Photo from a Mutts e-newsletter I received)

This is Earl. He is the real Earl doggie of Patrick McDonnell, author of Mutts. He passed away at the age of 18. I think that's pretty old for a dog and I'm sure Earl had a wonderful life. He was a wonderful inspiration and made great fodder for many Mutts strips. Mr. McDonnell is on the Board of The Humane Society of the United States. We can make donations in honor of Earl on the HSUS website.

(from Mutts site)